There are after effects…but they definitely aren’t all negative!

I have good and bad feelings that come to the surface, that is for sure. I think it’s just part of the healing process and I assume it’ll take time for everything to level back out (i’m not a counselor, so I’m just processing all this as I experience it over time).

I’m just going to be frank. I apologize if some of this sounds harsh to you. I have trigger words. Sometime’s its a certain word, a particular location, or just a thought that pops in my head that can trigger intense, uninvited, anger + pain instantly. They race through my heart and make their way into my throat. I physically feel my stomach heat up, and my chest tighten. I feel my face scrunch and eyes narrow. My fists tighten and I suddenly have the urge and energy to beat something, run forever, or just scream. Yes, in those moments I so badly need to scream and let all the hurt out. There’s so much energy that surges through my body and it needs a physical outlet.

These are the moments I know I was made to do something more with this pain. The sin that crept into our life and tried to ruin us, has ignited a fire and passion so deep that it rattles me to my core. This sin so deserves to die. It pains me to hear of other’s experiencing brokenness, and unfortunately its so very common! Ah, I dream of a world so whole that there will be no more shaken marriages! It’s my heart’s desire to see Jesus get his full reward within families. I believe we will see a day that all broken relationships will be made whole! God is bigger than hurt and anger. God is bigger than ‘failed relationships’ I am eager to see people give God more room to move rather than throwing in the towel when things don’t go as planned. Give him room to heal the hurt. Give him room to redeem the failings. Give him room to move.

Father, pour your love all over marriages! Heal broken places. Bring light to darkness. You are good.